A couple of weeks ago, as counselor specializing in relationships and marriage, I was asked on a local TV program to talk about the Five Love Languages developed by Gary Chapman in his book, "The Five Love Languages". The main idea is that of the five love languages (gifts, words of affirmation, physical touch, quality time, and acts of service) one and perhaps a close second is the way we prefer to be loved and indeed when we are loved in these ways, feel the most significant and cared for. We find we can rank these from 1 to 5 in importance, number one being our prefered love language and number five just not speaking to us.Very often, couples will choose their polar opposite in terms of love language preference which can set up a bit of disconnect. I end up loving you in the way I want to be loved and if its at the bottom of your list, I may completely miss the mark. When this occurs, it may be that the way your spouse desires to be loved is the very thing that's most uncomfortable or difficult for you. This turned out to be true for Tim and I. Wouldn't you know that my love language was "gifts" which he ranked as fifth on his list and his love language was "acts of service" which, you guessed it, ranked lowest on mine. Now to cut each of us some slack, we were totally unaware of this discrepancy. We were merrily going down the path of marriage loving each other in our own love language...how we wanted to be loved. Now, it wasn't awful. Good things were happening, but there was some disconnection, disappointment, and maybe some feelings of being unappreciated and misunderstood. Fortunately we discovered the concept of love languages early on and it really brought a new level of understanding. We had to step out and learn to love the other in the way they desired. Interestingly enough, over the years our love languages have shifted toward the other. The places that were difficult became a joy...once we understood what touched each other's heart.
Something really struck me one day when someone compared
loving God to loving our spouse when the question was posed, "What if we
decided to love our spouse in the way that we wanted to love them and not how
they have expressed the way they desire to be loved?" If my spouse felt the most
loved when I showed affection, and this was the way they wanted me to express
love to them, what if I said, nah, I'm not comfortable with that. I'm going to
love them the way I want to. How do you think your spouse would feel? How would
you feel if that's how your spouse loved you? How would that bode for the relationship? I am discovering that often we
love God in the way that we want to and not how he has expressed how he wants
to be loved in the scriptures.
How does God want to be loved? As I look back over my life there are several ways I thought God wanted to be loved. In our love relationships, so often we think of love as a feeling and part of my definition included if I had "that loving feeling" towards God. But you know how that is, sometimes I just didn't feel those same feelings or keep that "high" I would get after a particular experience or time of closeness or answered prayer. I also thought of love in terms of being a loving person doing loving things toward others. Love my neighbor. (Sometimes I would go overboard when I would get into my "people pleasing" mode.) Loving God also included Bible study, prayer and quiet times.
Yeshua (Jesus) tells us,"If
you love me, you'll obey what I command" (John 14:15) and "Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me. He who loves me will be loved by my father and I too will love him and show myself to him." (John 14:21,22). John (the disciple beloved by Christ) wrote again in 1 John 5:3, "This is love for God; to obey his commands. And his commands are not burdensome".
When Yeshua was asked in Matthew 22:36 "Rabbi, what is the greatest commandment in the Torah?" he quoted Deuteronomy 6:5 and Leviticus 19:18 when he replied, "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind" This is the first and the greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself. All the Torah and the Prophets hang on these two commandments."
What does it mean to obey His commandments? What commandments? Then I was struck with the fact that when Yeshua and John spoke the definition of loving God, the New Testament had not yet been written. Yeshua was referring to the Torah (First five books of what we have called the Old Testament) in his reply to the question of the greatest commandment. Torah is translated as "law" in the New Testament which turns out to be a poor translation. Instead of "law", the more accurate translation is "Torah" which means teaching or instruction.
I also remembered that John said in John 1:1 that Yeshua is the Word of God and was with God in the beginning. Yeshua, therefore is the whole of scripture. If I want to know how to love God, I need to start at the beginning where Yeshua refers us.
Torah in ancient Hebrew means:
Tav: cross, covenant or sign of the convenant
Vav: Nail or tent peg, to secure
Resh: person especially the highest person, head
Hey: Reveal. At the end of a word hey can mean what comes from or out of, belonging to
Torah: The covenant secured by the highest person revealed or that which comes from the highest person nailed to the cross.
(For ancient picture language, scroll down to the end)
Recently, I learned that a better translation of the word "commandment' is "Mitzvah" in Hebrew. Mitzvah means "obligations that bind us to God", like superglue, or on the same team. There are different types of Mitzvah, but all are about being in relationship. These also includes statues, precepts, judgements and ordinances. Only through observing these Mitzvah can we build a deep, enduring relationship with God, forging the bond. Mitzvah performance creates a deep connection between God and us.
God's commandments are for those who are in a covenant relationship with Him. They are instructions for how to live in relationship with Him and with each other, and with ourselves. It's like our marriage vows. In the beginning you don't fully know the other or even how to really love your spouse. But as you grow in your understanding and knowledge of the other, your love and commitment deepen and you have a greater desire to love them, especially how they desire to be loved, even when it's the most difficult for you.
Psalm 119 (all 176 verses), which David wrote, describes the life, joy, light, truth, and delight (to name a few) that result from following God's commandments, statues, judgements and precepts.
Consider Psalm 119:12-20
God's commandments are for those who are in a covenant relationship with Him. They are instructions for how to live in relationship with Him and with each other, and with ourselves. It's like our marriage vows. In the beginning you don't fully know the other or even how to really love your spouse. But as you grow in your understanding and knowledge of the other, your love and commitment deepen and you have a greater desire to love them, especially how they desire to be loved, even when it's the most difficult for you.
Psalm 119 (all 176 verses), which David wrote, describes the life, joy, light, truth, and delight (to name a few) that result from following God's commandments, statues, judgements and precepts.
Consider Psalm 119:12-20
"Blessed are you, O Yahweh; teach me your Statutes. I have declared your judgements with my lips; I have rejoiced in the way of your Testimonies (recorded witness) as over all riches. I will meditate in your Precepts and I will regard your paths. I will delight myself in your Statues. I will not forget your word. Deal bountifully with your servant that I may live, and I will keep your word. Open my eyes that I may see wonderful things in your Torah. I am a sojourner in the earth; hide not your Commandments from me. My soul is crushed for longing for your judgements in every season.
And Psalm 119:1
Blessed are the upright in the way, who walk in the Torah of Yahweh. Blessed are those keeping his testimonies, who seek Him with the whole heart."
I discovered that Torah also means, "hitting the mark" like a bulls eye on a target and sin means "missing the mark". This gives a whole new understanding to 1 John 3:4 where John says, " Whoever commits sin also commits Torahlessness and sin is Torahlessness. It is God's desire that we obey His Mitzvah, His Torah that we may know Him, love Him, know what He is doing and going to do in the future, know how to love others, and know how to live in a way that gives the greatest provision and care for ourselves. (Like how to eat healthy and how to stay out of debt, to name a few.) I had been missing the mark in many ways.
A huge area, besides the 10 commandments, that I discovered that are God's statutes forever (appointments, commandments, decrees) are the Lord's Feasts which include the Sabbath (weekly appointment) and the 7 Feasts (4 Spring, 3 Fall) described in Leviticus 23. These are set times that God has established for us to meet with Him where He has promised to show up. They are His appointments and rehursals where He reveals Himself more fully, reveals His plan and purpose and lets us know what He has done, what He is doing and what He is going to do. They are weekly, monthly and yearly cycles that continually bring us back to how to get right with God, ourselves and others. They promote self reflection and repentance which bring us back into proper relationship with the Father as well as with others and ourselves.
I had studied the Feasts along the way in Bible studies and always thought they were so interesting and gave a deeper meaning, especially to the death, sinlessness, and resurrection of Yeshua. I understood how the Spring feasts were about Yeshua's first coming and had some awareness that the fall feasts were about his return to set up the Kingdom of God on earth. But what I completely missed was that these were His set appointments to meet with Him and by "doing" or celebrating them, I was showing up, showing my love for Him. This really grieved me. It was like finding out that my husband had been waiting for me on our anniversary every year or for our special weekly date and I wasn't showing up! For our whole marriage.
When I discovered this, I went about learning how to celebrate the feasts and began celebrating. There is such a difference on every level between just knowing and doing! As I celebrated I was stepping into a new realm of understanding and awareness that I was participating in something profoundly larger than my life (to say the least). And I really had to step out and believe God.
This fall was my first time celebrating the feast of Tabernacles or Sukkot. It is a week long celebration and God instructs us to build sukkahs or little shelters/tents outside to eat and perhaps sleep in. It is a remembrance of how the Israelites tabernacled in the wilderness with God when they were delivered out of slavery in Egypt, how Yeshua became flesh and dwelt with us (dwelt means tabernacled in Hebrew) and how we will tabernacle with God the Father and Yeshua when His Kingdom is restored and set up on Earth forever.
We built our little sukkah on our deck and even invited some friends and family to share a meal. When I first began building it I felt a little bit like Noah must have felt. (By no means an equal comparison!) I had some doubts, feeling a bit foolish even crossed my mind.(Good grief, what will the neighbors think?) But the more I built and then stepped into the tabernacle, bearing this witness to God on earth and in obedience to Him was profound. He showed up just as He promised. My faith was enlarged by doing, not merely knowing. Our relationship grew more intimate. I was commemorating what God had done in the past and remembering (lest I forget) and rehearsing what is to come in the future. I was joining millions today and countless millions through the ages for 3500 years! God is all about celebrating. It brings a fuller sense of joy, life and purpose!
(I understand that these feasts are celebrated in Heaven with the angels.)
Loving God by learning to obey His commandments is not about perfection or salvation. It is about relationship. It is about loving our Creator in the way that He desires. And we are told that God's commandments are not burdensome. But I may need to learn to love Him in the places that are the hardest for me. And this is the main point! I am discovering that Love has everything to do with it!
The first Spring feasts of the year are Passover, the feast of Unleavened Bread and Feast of First Fruits. Join me in showing up and celebrating these set times with our Father.
